the surrender.

So, Heather and I were dating.  This was awesome.  I had believed that this girl was the one for the past nine months and now we were living it out.  I was flying high.  I told the story every chance that I had and loved watching the looks on peoples faces as I explained how God brought us together.

After a few weeks I felt like it was time to get engaged.  I knew where it was supposed to happen and I couldn't wait.  As I prayed I saw a clear picture in my mind.  We drove to Baltimore Inner Harbor and turned on some random back alley ways. As I looked up I saw the image of the harbor that I had seen when I was praying. I slipped the ring on Heather's finger and we were engaged.  It was a Valentine's day for the ages.

The next day I flew to Chicago for a conference.  It was amazing to me how many times and different ways God had supernaturally confirmed our relationship.  I was overwhelmed. I was also about to find out why.  

As I sat on the runway preparing for takeoff I talked to Heather on the phone.  I could tell something was wrong.  She seemed suspicious of me and of our story.  It didn't feel great but I figured I would pray and she would let go of her fears and it would be fine.  By the time I arrived in Chicago everything had changed.  As we spoke that night I realized that she had taken off the ring. Trying not to be crushed  I simply told her I loved her and hung up the phone.  I walked around the suburban Chicago hotel in the rain praying and surrendering the relationship to God again.  I didn't feel like I had missed it or that we had been out of order but I also knew there was nothing that I could do. 

I flew home that Sunday and realized as I landed that my brother Matt was flying home to Harrisburg from Florida at the same time I was.  We met each other at the airport and prayed together.  I went to meet with Heather while my brother headed to an engagement party for us.  A party that we would not attend.

That night we got engaged again.  This time in Millersville.  The next morning I woke up at my brothers house.  We both felt like we should spend time praying for Heather when we woke up.  So we prayed.  A few minutes later the phone rang.  It was Heather.  The ring was off again.  Brokenhearted I suggested that we take the week and pray about things and discern what was going on.  This was hard.  I continued to surrender things.  There were things that I felt like I should apologize for so I would call Heather and repent.  Meanwhile she seemed cold and indifferent towards me.  

A good friend called and asked me how my weekend had been.  "Great," I said.  "I got engaged on Friday."  

"Congratualtions!" he responded.
 "Yeah - I'm not engaged right now" I said dying a slow humiliating death inside.  "she took off the ring."

 Through this time I surrendered our relationship again.  I wanted to make sure that I was hearing what God wanted me to learn through this.  While I knew that He was doing things in both of us I still felt like she was the one.  I just wasn't sure if it was going to happen or not.