Last week I took Moses to middle school orientation. We walked the halls of the same middle school that I went to and his grandma before him attended. But everything looked a little foggy and felt different than when I roamed the halls in 1991. That might be because I did the math and realized that was 24 years ago. 24! I came home and told Mark that a lot of the parents looked "old". He just laughed. Is this even reality!?
I am too young to have a middle schooler.
Yesterday at 6:39 Moses climbed onto the bus for his first day of middle school. Mark and I saw him off and then sat on the bench of our porch and drank our cups of coffee and cried. We cried tears of joy because we are so proud of the young man he is becoming and the confidence he carries. In reality I was way more nervous about this whole middle school thing than he was. "I've got this mom" was his attitude. We cried because our son is growing up and venturing into new unknown territories. A lot of what was talked about at the middle school orientation was about gearing up for high school. I was just warming up to the whole middle school idea and now you keep talking about high school! What!! We cried over the reality that he is heading into a new season. And it it exactly what he is supposed to be doing. Growing up and going on new adventures away from us. It is the "away from us" part that is hard.
Every summer I hit the end of July and want to throw in the towel because my kids are driving me crazy and every August I weep when it is back to school because I am going to miss them. Every new school year is a new letting go. It is a reminder that I am not in control. A reminder to trust and let them go experience and learn new things.
So yesterday I cried and let go some more. And in the letting go I find fresh love for these five who have my heart.
and then there was just one.
and eden never one to be left behind insisted that she pack her backpack and lunch too...just in case.
and look at this face. how could you say "no"!